I'm not talking about physical weight, I'm talking pounds and pounds of ex-boyfriend drama, this is mental weight that drags you down and prevents you from moving forward with life, and yes, it does make your butt look big.
It's called BAGGAGE!
It's called BAGGAGE!
Secrets, shame, guilt and resentment.
Baggage is the more common term for post breakup weight...like baby weight...only not necessarily physical, though it can be.
I think it's time for you, yes YOU, to drop the baggage. Even the baggage you didn't know you had. You may not realize it but we all carry a truckload of baggage with us.
And yes, you may always feel resentment towards an ex, but some things have to be left unresolved, and this "closure" thing that we seem to always seek, is often just an excuse to talk to our ex's.
Have you ever asked to talk to an ex for closure?...well I have, and did it help?...It never does. Closure does not come from answers or reasoning. It comes from time, "time heals all wounds", even wounds to the heart...or ego.
If he left you: He may have left you due to a loss of interest, maybe things just didn't work, maybe he found someone else, it hurts, it sucks and it's not all that easy to get over. You feel hurt, insulted, self-conscious, possibly used, all of these mental dilemmas create baggage. The best solution for it, that I've come across so far, is to cut him out of your life and move on.
If you left him: He may have done something to compromise your trust, maybe it just wasn't working, you lost interest, or you met someone else. Regardless of the answer leaving someone often isn't an easy decision, but sometimes it is the best decision you can make. They may react in ways you never predicted, they may make you feel guilty for leaving them and this creates baggage.
so lets shed some emotional pounds! It isn't easy but it is effective. I'm going to recommend you follow a set of steps, if you are hesitant to do any of them, then you mostly likely need to do them. Often we still hang on to the possibility that 'one day we may get back together', if your trying to avoid a step and the only excuse/ reasoning you have is that, then you most definitely need to complete the step, remember, we are trying to be realistic. and if you want closure, this is how you're going to get it.
also if your reasoning for avoiding a step is because 'It would be mean or hurt his feelings', no.
A) if he broke up with you then he doesn't have the right to make you feel guilty for getting over him.
B) if he stomped your heart into the ground right in front of you then I'm pretty sure its okay to throw out a teddy bear, so calm down and put the teddy in the box!
anyways lets get this going, you need closure and I need to go to the gym! :)
So you've gone through through the breakup, you're probably not ready to move on yet, and that's understandable. Regardless of what happened or how 'great of friends you were before' you need to commit to the vow of silence. This is a 30 day period of complete silence and contemplation. For 1 month you will not text, IM, Inbox, Tweet, Message or Call him. No writing letters, no showing up at his house. No asking mutual friends about him or "bumping into him". Basically don't stalk him. During this period of time I suggest you seriously contemplate your life, think about the relationship too...focus on the reason it fell apart, It may be painful but you need to realistically think about it. Think about the things you didn't like about him. Maybe he was boring, and just made you sit inside all weekend watching netflix...these things happen.
Step 2 : Making The Cut
So as step 1 states you need to cut all communication with your ex, and this may be difficult...especially if you're obsessed with social networking. In order to complete these steps you may have to change your privacy settings or delete him from your networking sites. "But I don't want to hurt his feelings" and "What if one day he wants to get back together"....no his feelings don't matter anymore, and if he broke up with you then he most likley doesn't want to get back together. This step can occur at the same time as the first step, In fact, I suggest you complete multiple steps at a time as you become ready. If you find you need to prolong the silence, possibly indefinitaly then that's okay, in fact its a great way to drop the baggage Step 1 : Vow of silence
Baggage is the more common term for post breakup weight...like baby weight...only not necessarily physical, though it can be.
I think it's time for you, yes YOU, to drop the baggage. Even the baggage you didn't know you had. You may not realize it but we all carry a truckload of baggage with us.
And yes, you may always feel resentment towards an ex, but some things have to be left unresolved, and this "closure" thing that we seem to always seek, is often just an excuse to talk to our ex's.
Have you ever asked to talk to an ex for closure?...well I have, and did it help?...It never does. Closure does not come from answers or reasoning. It comes from time, "time heals all wounds", even wounds to the heart...or ego.
If he left you: He may have left you due to a loss of interest, maybe things just didn't work, maybe he found someone else, it hurts, it sucks and it's not all that easy to get over. You feel hurt, insulted, self-conscious, possibly used, all of these mental dilemmas create baggage. The best solution for it, that I've come across so far, is to cut him out of your life and move on.
If you left him: He may have done something to compromise your trust, maybe it just wasn't working, you lost interest, or you met someone else. Regardless of the answer leaving someone often isn't an easy decision, but sometimes it is the best decision you can make. They may react in ways you never predicted, they may make you feel guilty for leaving them and this creates baggage.
so lets shed some emotional pounds! It isn't easy but it is effective. I'm going to recommend you follow a set of steps, if you are hesitant to do any of them, then you mostly likely need to do them. Often we still hang on to the possibility that 'one day we may get back together', if your trying to avoid a step and the only excuse/ reasoning you have is that, then you most definitely need to complete the step, remember, we are trying to be realistic. and if you want closure, this is how you're going to get it.
also if your reasoning for avoiding a step is because 'It would be mean or hurt his feelings', no.
A) if he broke up with you then he doesn't have the right to make you feel guilty for getting over him.
B) if he stomped your heart into the ground right in front of you then I'm pretty sure its okay to throw out a teddy bear, so calm down and put the teddy in the box!
anyways lets get this going, you need closure and I need to go to the gym! :)
So you've gone through through the breakup, you're probably not ready to move on yet, and that's understandable. Regardless of what happened or how 'great of friends you were before' you need to commit to the vow of silence. This is a 30 day period of complete silence and contemplation. For 1 month you will not text, IM, Inbox, Tweet, Message or Call him. No writing letters, no showing up at his house. No asking mutual friends about him or "bumping into him". Basically don't stalk him. During this period of time I suggest you seriously contemplate your life, think about the relationship too...focus on the reason it fell apart, It may be painful but you need to realistically think about it. Think about the things you didn't like about him. Maybe he was boring, and just made you sit inside all weekend watching netflix...these things happen.
Step 2 : Making The Cut
So as step 1 states you need to cut all communication with your ex, and this may be difficult...especially if you're obsessed with social networking. In order to complete these steps you may have to change your privacy settings or delete him from your networking sites. "But I don't want to hurt his feelings" and "What if one day he wants to get back together"....no his feelings don't matter anymore, and if he broke up with you then he most likley doesn't want to get back together. This step can occur at the same time as the first step, In fact, I suggest you complete multiple steps at a time as you become ready. If you find you need to prolong the silence, possibly indefinitaly then that's okay, in fact its a great way to drop the baggage Step 1 : Vow of silence
Step 3 : Cleaning The Wound
Cleaning the wound is often emotionally troubling, but it is also the most important part in order to shed baggage.
This step is where you clean up all evidence of the relationship. Delete all traces of it off Facebook, including pictures, posts ect. This is VERY important.
You should also removed all memorabilia and pictures related to your ex from your living space. You don't necessarily need to throw it out, You can donate it or just put it in a box in the attic. Burn it if that's what helps, this is a time for disinfecting all the things that make your life difficult. Anything in your life that doesnt help you move on should be tossed aside.
Step 4 : Healing
This is the time to toss the ice cream and chocolate because the pity party is over, by this point your friends are tired of hearing about your breakup and though you never tire of talking about it, even you can admit that it's time to get on with life. So what should you do? anything and everything. You should be doing things that make you happy. For me it's yoga, painting, going to the beach, having campfires with drunk friends and doing fun exciting things with the people I love. Don't even give yourself time to think about negatives, because life is too short and too amazing to let yourself get lost in the irrelevant.
Cleaning the wound is often emotionally troubling, but it is also the most important part in order to shed baggage.
This step is where you clean up all evidence of the relationship. Delete all traces of it off Facebook, including pictures, posts ect. This is VERY important.
You should also removed all memorabilia and pictures related to your ex from your living space. You don't necessarily need to throw it out, You can donate it or just put it in a box in the attic. Burn it if that's what helps, this is a time for disinfecting all the things that make your life difficult. Anything in your life that doesnt help you move on should be tossed aside.
Step 4 : Healing
This is the time to toss the ice cream and chocolate because the pity party is over, by this point your friends are tired of hearing about your breakup and though you never tire of talking about it, even you can admit that it's time to get on with life. So what should you do? anything and everything. You should be doing things that make you happy. For me it's yoga, painting, going to the beach, having campfires with drunk friends and doing fun exciting things with the people I love. Don't even give yourself time to think about negatives, because life is too short and too amazing to let yourself get lost in the irrelevant.